smile power

I have been experimenting with the power of a smile.

I am learning how putting my mouth into a smile changes my attitude immediately.

I must remember this more often.



I think I have stopped the Facebook application which imports my blog to my Facebook page.

It started feeling like I was putting too much out there. It was too public.

Of course the blog itself is public, but people have to go to it. Not quite as accessible. This of course is all in my head.

Hopefully I have really stopped the Facebook application.

We’ll see soon!


debt reality

For 36 hours I was so upset. What set me off was the interest rate on our business Visa card went from 5% to 15%. I called to find out why and it was explained to me that it was no reflection on our business with them, this was an overall change in credit terms to everyone and that we were lucky because ours went up to the lowest.

It felt like things went from bad to worse. How could banks do this to businesses? This was not a personal credit card used for consumerism, this was one of our 2 life lines that would help up get through this economic downturn. This would not only affect us but also our vendors.

I was furious that such greed still prevailed and that this bank which had been bailed out with our tax dollars was making it more difficult for our business and the economic recovery.

I stewed about it, complained to whomever I talked to, lost sleep, email, and felt helpless.

Intellectually I knew we would survive, I know we cannot have the good times without the bad. I know but I could not shake my hatred for the banking industry and the greed which is so much apart of this society.

Today I got into the shower and as the water flowed from the shinny brushed metal shower head I knew how fortunate I was. The shower told it all. I was being cleansed so easily after doing a bike ride. It was so amazingly easy. What if I didn’t have running water, a nice clean bathroom, and clean organic cotton towels. It was so easy. I have it so easy. I am extremely fortunate.

I knew right then that our financial situation is partly our fault, probably entirely our fault. We used credit cards, I got sucked into the rewards game, and as the economy went down we did not tighten up enough.

We will pay off our credit card debt and keep just one personal card for absolute emergencies. We will work hard to not be part of a system which has no understanding or compassion for people when times are tough. My 32 year relationship with credit cards will end.

I got out of the shower. Cancelled 2 of our 5 Visa cards and can feel a burden lift. This will be hard, but I’ve done a lot of difficult things in my 54 years, and I know I can do this too. I thank Capital One for the credit card reality check.


things I haven't seen in San Diego

Bakersfield CA today. Not much happening there although I did see:

An amazing ATM machine. Wells Fargo ATM’s which do not use deposit envelopes. I was afraid, even asked the nice man beside me if it really worked.

You slip the checks and/or cash to deposit into the slot and it reads what you put in. It told me how much the check was for (we did get paid from the Sate of CA with a check and not a voucher).

Then you have an option to get a receipt with a copy of the check on it. Nothing like this is San Diego.


Macy’s had an iPod vending machine.


LA casting call

Today I went to my first casting call.

I learnt that I was not an actor.

After my rejection I saw some art, but the best stuff I saw was:

Then back in San Diego, at a traffic light I saw:

I knew I was back in San Diego!


struggling with compassion

I am struggling with having compassion towards another.

Over a year ago there was a parting for us. It was not smooth, nor comfortable.

I cannot let go of the hurtful and hateful words sent in emails.

I know I did not communicate honestly and compassionately, although I think I tried, but obviously I missed it.

I see myself in this person, but what I see I don’t like.

I know I should be able to accept how I see myself in others, but it difficult with what I think of as negatives.

I can work in this.