changing aging

Firewalker has the same disease that took Petzel. It seems he wants to be close to me more often. It is not easy because of the smell. Is it the smell of death? I have smelt it before, Petzel, and when a close friend died from cancer. I let him lay with me whenever he wants. I don't push him away because of the smell, I put the top of my hand near my nose, and pet him gently.

Next week I go up to see my family. My mother is still in recovery from the stroke. The recovery could be the rest of her life, and maybe not. We all change, sometimes it's much more gradual.

I know it is more difficult for my Dad. I am sure he wants her back to what he thinks she should be. He has become a care-giver, his role in their relationship has changed. For her it just is. He has accepted his new role, and I hope he can accept how she has changed. For her it just is. It is so different for him, but not for her. I guess, this is a brain injury.

As I age, and change, I hope I can be accepting of this in others, Firewalker, my Mom, and myself.


left behind part 2

Took the circle device out on yesterdays walk.

Twenty one images where taken before it happened. They are safe and uploaded to flickr.

I carefully place it on a cactus and a very small hoof of air blew it off. This has happened before, each time I stop breathing for a second. This time I could not see where it landed, and it was not easy to get into this cactus bush. I tried kicking some away to see if I could get in there and find my circle device, but this was futile.

Now there are questions.

Do I use the pink X device with plants?

Do I use the the blue X device with plants?

Do a make a new circle device for plants?

It saddened me as I walked home, the end of this circle device has come. It is nice that it rests in the cactus garden in Balboa Park.


left behind

On the walk the other day I came across blooming cactus.

I had not taken the circle device with me.

As I stared at the blossoms I regretted not having my device with me.

I told myself for the work being done now I would only use the images taken from May thru Aug as source references.

Before, I had told myself I would take images using the circle device until I lost it.

Must not leave it behind. This device is alive and well, today you will be with me.


getting ready

I am working towards an exhibit of work which will happen in March.

The series was started in Aug 2010, but really took root May 2011.

There were over 300 images taken, some did not make the first cut, others the second cut, and so it goes.

I had 312 images printed by snapfish.

2 were bad and are being re-printed, 2 should have never been printed. Uploading from flickr to snapfish, ordering the prints, and dealing with the problem prints was a snap.

The prints are not the greatest, but they will work well for what I need, in choosing which ones will go from being a note to noted.

As I number, and sort, the project has had a name change, and I am learning more about the project, and my process.

There is a lot of work ahead.

There are endless possibilities.

I am very lucky to be in the midst of this project, and grateful for the opportunity, and push this exhibit gives me.



It is my opinion that zoos are not only cruel but unnecessary.

The rebuttal to this is often that zoos are helping un-endanger endangered species, and educate people.

We, as humans, have messed up, and are responsible for the demise of other creatures. We can accept this, understand, and learn from our mistakes.

I do not see any evidence that zoos, and the caging of animals has in any way helped change our behavior. Often there is inbreeding of species (an example being the White Tiger), and the over-bredding of species (often sold to private hunting farms).

There is no need for us to see animals in unnatural environment, living cages lives, as a means of understanding and learning about this earth and the creatures on it.

I was once asked if I would be okay with zoos if the animals had more space. My reply was that animals do have more space, they have the earth, and we need to protect it for them.

It is time for us to stop caging up animals, and start respecting them, and the earth.


San Diego 8/8/11

I was on the phone in front of the computer. In a flash it all went dark and the phone dead.

A grin grew. I quickly called the person back, on my cell phone, to explain we had a power outage. Once we were done talking I went up stairs, still not power, so I pulled out the non-cordless, and plugged it into the phone jack. Worked like a charm. Tried getting information using the iPhone, with no luck on logging into the SDG&E site. Gave up and called my Dad, had him, in Vancouver, go on the internet and get any info he could. It was sounding fairly major, so we decided to fill up a couple of extra water bottles, and get the candles and kerosine lamps out.

There was still plenty of daylight so we laid around and caught up on some reading. As the sun set we went out, walked over to Bird Park for a view of the city. There were many more lights than I thought there would be, a lots of red dots. The Naval Hospital looked totally unaffected. For├ęsta had an old cell phone which had a radio and we sat there looking at the skyline, and stars, each with an earbud in one ear listening to reports of the power outage.
We unplugged from the radio and just looked out. The realization hit me then. This could all be a a plan on SDG&E and Sempra Energy to increase support for the Sunrise Power Link. I would not put this past them, they are the ones that created the power shortage that took down  the governor of California. They are the ones that were in cahoots with Enron. It was maddening to think, but could be all so true.

For now it was time to let go of the conspiracy theory and take to the swings, leaning way back to take in all the sky.

We decided to check out University Ave without power. It was beautiful walking down the middle of the streets, lit by the moon, with the occasional car lights (they seems annoying). We passed many houses with people on their front porches or yards. It is not often that  you see people in the fronts of their home. When we got to University there was many more people walking around, some with flashlights, most without. We passed a pizza place serving pizza from their gas burning oven, the West Coast Tavern was open, and they had a truck parked with the radio going for people to get information. As we approached the corner of 30th and University there was a lot of activity. Heaven Sent Desserts was giving out free slices of cake. We went in and they told us the cakes would be ruined, and they would rather people from the community enjoy them, than to have them thrown out. They were taking donations for 2 charities, we gave, and I found out today they raised $600.

We walked back home eating out cake beaming about our neighborhood. It looked beautiful in the moonlight, people were all friendly, free cake, and no looting.

When we got home, we lit some candles, opened a bottle of sparkling water, put a DVD in the laptop, laid down together and starting watching A Christmas Story. We went to bed early, and when I got up to get a glass of water at 11:25 I know it was all over. Power had been restored. It saddened me that the event was short lived, and it reaffirmed my conspiracy theory. How convenient that power was out during the hours when it is used the least, SDG&E would not loose that much revenue, and they make a case for another power link being essential. Of course if power was produced where it was needed most, which is should be, a link would not be needed, and a link would not fail.

I thoroughly enjoyed our short lived power outage. Wouldn't it be nice if the power went out once a month, or once every three months.


a weight has been lifted

I am looking up

the shift has happened


a-recluse artist: step 7

don't attend San Diego Art Fair

............worked late

............bike ride and create

............walk, create, work

sorry to all those participating ............