grey

Yesterday there was a moment I thought I would die.
A very small piece of cracker went down wrong. My airway constricted and I could not breathe. Panic set in and breathing got more difficult. Foresta was there and I tired to get him to help me. But what could he do. There was nothing blocking my airway, the Heimlich would do nothing. I tried to calm myself, he got me water. I knew I had to calm myself; focus on breathing, slowly my breathing became easier.

It all happened so fast and at the same time seemed like a very long time.

It has happened one other time. It’s like I breath in a small piece of food and bang, airway constricts and I cannot breath. I think I need to pay attention when I am eating, eat slower, and chew, chew, chew before swallowing.

Asphyxiation, I felt like death was so close.

It is strange to think how easy it is to die.

Last night lying in bed I thought about death. I thought I could have let myself die, but I did not.

I wonder if I could ever let death come easily.

The other time this happened someone said I would have passed out, relaxed and started breathing again. I wonder.

Today we did a bike ride. It was grey and cold. I saw what I assumed where homeless children and adults. I have seen a lot of homeless recently.  I can see it is very difficult.

I am very grateful today to be alive and have a home.